Dear UFO over the Safeway,
I do appreciate the email. I must begin by saying that, because I know you're a UFO and that means you hover and fly and evade, and all of those things are taxing. When I saw you, you were doing loop-dee-loops in circles, and I thought to myself, "Boy, that looks taxing. That UFO's gonna need a coffee or a sugar free Monster energy drink or something." So, I thank you for taking time out of your busy loop-dee-looping schedule to get in touch with me.
That said, I told you I'm not the kind of girl who hands out naked pictures of herself to strangers. I do not believe that creatures from your ecosystem will suffocate and perish if they do not look at naked pictures of women. In fact, I think you are lying to me.
I am offended, I must say. I don't know how you can make this right.
Come to think of it, I could forgive a UFO kind enough to dispose of that trickster of a nylon bird who flies over the "Y." It mocks me.