To Coffee Pot Rock

Dear Coffee Pot Rock,

You're so cute. Other rocks, they're majestic and sort of godlike--and I can so understand the whole kachina-doll-seeing-gods-in-rocks thing--but none of them come close to being as cute and accessible as you. You're so round. So symmetrical. I guess that's why I have to be the one to tell you this. No one wants to hurt your feelings.

You don't look like a coffee pot any more.

Sure, there was a day, long ago, when you were the spitting image of a coffee pot, but that was before industrial design was born and we as a culture went through many, many imaginative stages of coffee pot reinvention. The archaic coffee pot you resemble made 72 pints of coffee per brew--whether you wanted just one cup or not--and its handle gave you third degree burns.

Here's what I propose: A name change! Nomenclature modernization! Re-branding! I'd say you look more like a pitcher, or a rooster, or something. I'd think pitchers, being the keepers of iced teas or lemonades or flavored packet beverages that come in all sorts of zesty colors, would be a better association. We could even go and get you some corporate sponsoring, you know. We could name you Kellogg's rock, because you really do look like a rooster. Can you imagine the Pink Jeeps and the Red Jeeps: "On your right is Kellogg's rock. Next stop, Frosted Miniwheats Mountain."

You could give that sponsorship money to your community, and they could do all sorts of nice things for Sedona, like buy more of those street lights they love so much.

Adoringly,
E.